My girlfriend shows off in the car while stuck in traffic on a road trip. But who’s watching? — The second she undid her jeans and slid her hand inside of them, the traffic slowed to a near standstill. “Oh god no,” she said, with just a hint of a whine. “I was just starting to have fun.” All around us the cars had slowed down, and instead of…

“Fuck, man, it’s been a while.” I raised my perfect manhattan in a toast, and my old friend, Tom, returned the gesture with his signature grin. …

When I ask to taste her, my wife comes up with a devious plan involving her favorite lover. — We don’t usually play with cruelty. Embarrassment isn’t especially my thing, and I have no great desire to be humiliated by either my wife or her lovers. But there are times when teasing becomes something stronger, and we walk along borders that occasionally teeter over the edge to one side. …

“As long as you don’t stop, I’ll keep talking. But if you pause or come, you’ll have to wait until tomorrow to hear the rest.” — “Should I have filmed it?” she asked, looking up at me. She was on all fours towards the foot of the bed, and all I could do was nod. …

Why did folks get so upset over a silly little shirt? — I wasn’t trolling when I made a t-shirt that read “Jesus Loves Abortion.” But you know, the internet can be a funny place, and much to nobody’s surprise, a few people took umbrage with the shirt. …

While getting it on with the wife in the park, a handsome voyeur joins the fun. — It was too warm not to be outside. And while the park was busy, most people sat out on the great lawn drinking spiked seltzers and throwing frisbees for their dogs. Which made it a perfect afternoon to wander through the more secluded wooded paths where we could lose ourselves…

“I finally got us access to the roof,” I said one morning. “Are you fucking kidding me? Why are we not there now?” She had been hounding me for months, but it wasn’t like I could just sneak up when nobody was looking. …

“It wasn’t cheating,” she insisted. “Not real cheating, at least.” I was shaking my head, because really, what the fuck? Once you try to qualify shit the game is pretty much over. If you have to say it didn’t count, then we all know it damn well counts. “It was…

We take out a big toy and imagine he was there with us. — “Do you have your cock?” I asked. We had already lost our clothes and were rolling about on the bed trying to decide which turn-on to follow. Since I had been editing Disgusting Beautiful Immoral all day, I had some sense of direction but wasn’t sure how to follow up…